it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
