Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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