Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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