I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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