How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
