Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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