his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
