So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
