He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
