then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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