period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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