Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
