apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
