i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
