I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
