I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
