I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
