well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
