She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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