So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
