I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sex in a hospital.. check
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
