Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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