I wish my penis had an off switch
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want a musical about memes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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