god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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