Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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