I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
