I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
