yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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