Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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