i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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