I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
