he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
