I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
