the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
