I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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