More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
