Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
