He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I look better un-naked...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
