so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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