I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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