Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My pussy is not your playground.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
