Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
