Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
