i'm signing you up for texting rehab
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
