she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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