i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
