He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
