is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
