I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
