A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
