If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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