Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
COCAINE IS GR8
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
