he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
