I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
