He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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