You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize