I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
