I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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