They should really pass out barf bags in church
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
