I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
