I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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