My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i believe in u and ur pee
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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