i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
