I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
