I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i came on her dog
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
