It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
