first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
