I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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