great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
