I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
