Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
