i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
