ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we should paint friendship bongs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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