Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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