Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
