PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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