My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
