when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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