i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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