I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
