dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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