"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
